Week 2 - Judging a book by its cover

This week's emphasis is on appearance. While I will still continue with the Welcome Home/Dinner routine, I'll be adding appearance rules to my routine. According to Levin's book, "The Stepford Wives," the women of Stepford keep a very tidy appearance. They always wear flawless makeup, dress to the nines - even to go to the grocery store, keep their hair styled perfectly and dress in a way that appeals to their husbands. According to this website, a traditional housewife should:

1. Always wear your makeup.

2. Always take care of your hair. Not a strand should be out of place.

3. If you are not well-endowed in your torso area, use bra inserts, augmenters, or the chicshaper. Large bosoms featured prominently in Levin's original story.

4. If you are not thin, wear a girdle.

5. Wear tight, but conservatively-cut clothing to show off your assets. (Remember to wear an apron during housework)

6. Look in the mirror. Imagine yourself as a girl in a television commercial; you should look flawless, at all times. The picture of the Stepford Wife is the picture of a person who is healthy and takes good care of herself.

Today, before I even realized it, I headed to the grocery store and the Post Office in an old sweatshirt of my husband's and a pair of ratty jeans. I hadn't done my hair or makeup. I looked quite scary, to be honest. It wasn't until I was waiting in line at the Post Office that I realized I was starting the appearance portion of my experiment. I felt like a failure! However, I went straight home and put on a pretty dress, heels, styled my hair and put on makeup and felt much better. Bob was so surprised when he walked in to see me dressed up. Usually when he comes home from work, I'm in a sweater and jeans (if he's lucky), so being dressed up was a welcome change, I think.

I have always enjoyed dressing up, so I don't know that I'll have a problem maintaining my appearance (except if I get lazy). I don't have a lot of dresses, so I may have to alternate between dresses and dress pants but I think that should be alright. I think the biggest struggle will be getting all dolled up just to run errands. Typically I just like to throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt and get out of the house as fast as possible so that I have plenty of time to get my errands taken care of. It seems silly to get all fancy just to go to the store. But since Stepford wives take particular care in keeping up appearances, I'm going to have to give my best effort to make sure I look gorgeous when I step out of the house.

I can get behind this philosophy of looking pretty for one's husband. I think sometimes Bob gets tired of seeing me looking shabby and dull. I've been ill for almost a year and so I rarely feel like making an effort to look nice when Bob gets home from work. I think he's forgotten how pretty I can look when I try. I'm going to make my best effort to wear something other than sweats, even when I feel awful. At the very least, I'll try to do my hair on the days I feel especially crappy. I really do think it's nice for a husband to come home to a beautiful wife. It reminds him why he married her in the first place. It's a shame that once we get married, women just give up on how they look; they only dress up when they are meeting up with other people. Remember the days when you would get all sexy just because your boyfriend was coming over to watch a movie? I think there's something to that. I really think it can put a spark back in the marriage if the wife tries a little harder sometimes.

Dinner went really well tonight (though Bob still thinks it's creepy that I meet him at the front door with a drink - maybe I should suspend that???). I made a roast and served it with fresh green beans. Bob mentioned several times how delicious the meal was. That made me feel so good! And I'm getting better at figuring out when he needs a second helping. I take his plate just as he finishes the last bite of his first helping and ask if he wants another. I think I'm getting this routine down pat. Hooray! Now just to remember to keep up appearances.

Well, off to do some housework. Have a great evening! See you tomorrow.

Week 1 - Day 5 - SUCCESS!

It's Friday! Hooray! It's been a long week for Bob, so I'm happy the weekend is finally here.

I gave my house a good "Stepford" cleaning - I think the ladies would be proud (there's still a lot of work to do, though). I was exhausted by the time I finished and almost skipped making dinner tonight. But my inner housewife chimed in and reminded me that I don't get to take a break just because I'm tired. This housewife thing is my job and I wouldn't get to slack off if I was still working outside the home, would I?

I'm glad I didn't skip the Welcome Home/Dinner routine today because the evening went so well! I was at the door, drink in hand, when Bob walked through the door. Then, our meal was ready just about the time Bob had finished going through his mail.

I had to check myself a couple of times - I started to give my opinion before Bob asked for it. After a couple of reminders to myself, I held my tongue and was a good listener. It's so hard - I feel like I'm not participating in my marriage if I don't speak up and say what's on my mind. However, that trait is exactly what usually causes arguments so I think I might end up saving us some strife if I just keep reminding myself to hold my tongue once in a while.

From now on, I think I'm going to stop mixing Bob drinks when he gets home. He doesn't like to have them with his meal and ends up getting a beer instead. I think I'll just have a nice cold beer waiting for him when he gets home from work. It will save me some work and it'll save the expensive alcohol!

Bob is still struggling to get used to me being a more hands-on housewife. He got up to get himself a second helping AGAIN. I grabbed his plate before he could get in the kitchen and he went and settled himself back in his chair.

I'm really starting to get the hang of this, I think. Next week will probably present another challenge but I'm looking forward to conquering it.

Tomorrow we have been invited to friends' house for dinner, so I have the night off. I'll check in on Sunday and report back with how dinner prep went (Sunday nights are Bob's night to call his parents, which always presents an interesting timing challenge).

Until Sunday...

Good night!

Week 1 - Day 4

Another successful day! Dinner was ready and waiting when Bob walked in the door, as was his whiskey and Coke (another one of his favorite drinks). I also managed to be waiting at the door with a smile. I was so proud of myself for working out the timing tonight. The soft, soothing voice I chose to use when I greet him apparently creeps him out, so I’m going to have to find another voice that’s not so creepy. Live and learn!

Tonight I made stir fry over rice pasta. It was fairly tasty. Bob totally cheated and got up to serve himself another helping. I had to jump up from my chair and shoo him back to the table. Tonight’s conversation was easier – I allowed him to do all the talking and I just responded in a way I felt appropriate. This “Stepford” thing seems to get easier every day.

It seems we take two steps forward and one step back, though, because as I write this, Bob is downstairs vacuuming! I love when he vacuums for me (which he never used to do without being asked), but I feel torn because I know that it’s supposed to be my job now.

Well, that’s all I’ve got today. Stay tuned for tomorrow!

Good night everyone.

What it means to be a "Stepford" Wife

What, exactly, does is involved in being a “Stepford” Wife? If I’m supposed to behave like one, how should I conduct myself? While reading Ira Levin’s book, “The Stepford Wives,” I took notes on the behavior and attitudes of the women featured in the book and made myself a little list of how I should try to behave during my experiment. Here’s what I came up with:

• Lots of cleaning, home maintenance – “Stepford” houses are immaculate.
• Wives always look perfect, shapely and attractive.
• The women are subservient to their husbands.
• There is no time for outside interests/work.
• Conversations with others consist of trite pleasantries and discussion on housework/cleaning supplies.
• Shopping at the grocery store is done slowly and methodically. Items are placed in the cart in a neat and orderly fashion.
• The women are essentially actresses; they seem to be eternally pleased with their home lives and cleaning products.
• Always be nice, polite and cheerful.
• All meals, including breakfast, should be hot and prepared from scratch (as close to scratch as possible, anyway).
• Make no demands on your husband.

Another list of characteristics I will try to follow is one I found on the Stepford Wives Community Bulletin website:

Stepford Cardinal Rules:

• Don’t complain about the day you have had. If he asks you about your day and you had a bad one, just say "It is much better thank heavens now that you are here!"
• Don’t list the problems that you need him to take care of until after dinner.
• Don’t push for details about his day. Keep it short and sweet. A man needs silence and peace in his home after a day’s work. We are meant to be seen, not heard!
• Make minimum fuss, especially if he seems short.
• Never ask why he is acting the way he is acting.
• If he wants you to be a listener and asks you to sit. Stop what you are doing and sit down immediately. Whatever you were doing can wait.
• Always keep your ears on alert the moment you leave the room. Keep your ears tune for your name to be called, a finger snapped, or a sign that he needs you to get or do something for him.

Let me just say this: it goes against my nature to follow some of these rules. I struggle to believe there really are women out there who live this way. However, this wouldn’t be much of an experiment if I didn’t try something that made me a little (or a lot) uncomfortable. I’ve lived a certain way forever and now I’d like to try something new. Maybe I’m missing something by insisting on an equal partnership with my husband. Maybe I’ll end up being happy that I handed over the pants to Bob. Only time will tell… I really am looking forward to giving this a shot!

The Second Pancake - Week 1 - Day 3

I have almost recovered from the horrible migraine that sidelined me yesterday. I’m still a little fuzzy but I was able to have a much more successful second attempt at the Welcome Home/Dinner schedule (just like the second pancake – it’s a keeper). After all of the difficulty I had opening bottles on Monday, I made sure any bottle I might need to make Bob’s drink was loose enough for my tiny hands to open. This allowed me to have Bob’s drink all set and ready to go when he walked in the door. The schedule indicates I should meet my husband at the door as soon as it opens but I haven’t quite mastered that skill yet. I didn’t hear him coming up the stairs so I wasn’t quite ready for him. I’ll have to listen harder next time.

After taking Bob’s coat and handing him his drink, I finished bustling around the kitchen and promptly served our meal (hooray! It was done on time tonight!). We had Trinidadian chicken stew, which was pretty tasty. I enjoy making stews because you can make them early in the day and just let them simmer all afternoon. Little work and a lot of payoff!

I still really struggled with the conversation part of the evening. It’s hard not to talk about the things that happened in my day. I had a really rough day today and so badly wanted to talk to Bob about it and have him assure me things would be alright. Making dinner and setting the table really helped take my mind off my worries but once Bob walked in the door, I wanted to dump my problem on him and hear his suggestions on how to solve it. I’m pretty sure this is a Stepford no-no. It’s so difficult not to speak unless spoken to. Bob didn’t want to talk about his day at work so, if I hadn’t talked, we wouldn’t have spoken at all during dinner. I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be, though…

As per the schedule, when Bob was done with dinner, I cleared our plates – even though I wasn’t done with my meal (“…if you fall behind on your own dinner, either snack later or skip a meal. It will do wonders for your waist!”). I have to say that I didn’t mind leaving the last few bites of dinner on my plate. I could use to lose a couple of pounds.

All in all, I feel like tonight was a success. My conversational skills (or lack thereof) will improve with practice. Eventually I will learn to let Bob steer the conversation. I’m just so happy I got the timing down (almost)!

I’m looking forward to an even better Welcome Home/Dinner routine tomorrow night. Third time’s a charm, right?

Have a wonderful night, everyone!

Week 1 - Day 2

I've got a pretty nasty migraine today so my experiment is, unfortunately, on hold until tomorrow (when hopefully I'll feel better). I've got a pretty yummy meal planned, so stay tuned to see how it turns out! I think things will go much better than they did yesterday.

Since I am still trying to get my migraines under control, there may be other days when I am unable to follow through with my Stepford experiment; please bear with me. My health has to come first. Hopefully days off will be few and far between (because I would guess real Stepfords don't get days off for illness)! :-)


Good night!

Week 1 - Welcome Home/Dinner Routine (Day 1)

The task for the first week is to master a welcome home/dinner schedule found on the website www.stefordwife.com. It seemed simple enough to me as I read it over – I love schedules! Below is the schedule as it was found on the website:

Preparation to greet him ( 4:30 – 5:30pm )

• 4:30pm Last minute check to see that dinner is in order
• 4:45pm – 5:15pm Refresh your makeup, go over your hair and make sure your dress is crisp.
• 5:15pm – 5:30pm Prepare his favorite refreshing cold drink or cocktail and make sure it’s ready to go on a small serving tray

Honey, I’m Home! ( 5:30 – 5:40pm )

• 5:30 – 5:35pm Put on your biggest smile and greet him at the door with a hug, an appreciative peck on the cheek and a warm "welcome home darling!"
• 5:35 pm Help him take his coat off, and hand him his drink. Hang up his coat while he sits down in the foyer with his drink
• 5:35 – 5:40 Bend down and untie his shoes while he has his drink. Get his nearby slippers, put them on, then put the shoes away. Ask him how his day was. (if the question is met with a grunt, don’t push further, just cheerily say, "well, I’m glad you are home now!"
• 5:40pm Bring the remainder of his drink on serving tray and accompany him to the living room where he sits down. Make sure his drink is topped off before going off to the kitchen.

Dinner ( 5:41 – 7:00pm )

• 5:41pm – 6:00 pm Make sure dinner is set up nicely on the table and everything is in order. Remember to go back and check on his drink!
• 6:00 pm – 6:45pm Dinner is served. Remind him he can eat first as you run around to serve, refill, and maintain dinner service. If you fall behind on your own dinner, either snack later or skip a meal. It will do wonders for your waist!
• 6:45pm – 7:00pm Accompany him back to the living room and asks if there is anything else you can get him.
• 7:00pm – ? If he appears to want peace, give him space and quietly let him know you will be in the kitchen if he needs you. If he seems like he wants to talk, sit down and listen. Don’t give your opinion unless he asks you what you think. Just listen. If he is getting frisky and in the mood, by all means, give your best performance. Never mind what kind of day you had!

My first thought was that it seemed pretty manageable. I was already getting pretty good at having dinner ready upon my husband, Bob’s, return from work. As long as traffic wasn’t too bad and the bus was running on schedule, I had almost mastered the skill of having a hot meal waiting for Bob at the end of a hard day. The other tasks on the schedule seemed logical additions to my preexisting routine, so I chose the schedule as my first week’s task because I thought it seemed the easiest (I wanted to ease into the transition…if I go too fast, Bob might go into shock at the sudden change in my behavior!).

My first attempt at following the schedule unraveled pretty quickly, I must say. I was able to follow things pretty well until it came to making Bob’s drink. All of the tops on the bottles were screwed on too tightly. I couldn’t even have his drink ready when he walked in the door! I met him at the door with a kiss and a smile and the bottle of vermouth, requesting (very politely) he open it for me. Then I hurried off to the kitchen to finish mixing his martini and rushed back with his drink and took his coat. I tried to ignore his comment when he said dinner smelled funny (I was trying a new recipe).

Bob didn’t help with the routine much. He didn’t want to go sit in the living room and enjoy his drink in front of the television. He wanted to help with dinner, ask me about my day, etc. From all I’ve read during the research I did, “Stepford” wives don’t really have interests of their own and aren’t really allowed to express their feelings about how their day went. There’s no spot on the schedule above that makes time for the wife to tell her husband about her day. But since the point, I think, is to do whatever your husband wants, I think it’s okay to follow the line of conversation he chooses, even if it’s about yourself. I just have to be careful not to express too many opinions or tell him about my worries, as it’s been made clear to me that a good “Stepford” does not tell her husband those sorts of things. I think this will be a struggle for me.

Dinner wasn’t ready until 20 minutes after Bob got home. The schedule shows that only 10 minutes should elapse before the meal is served. Everything took longer to cook than I anticipated. Bob even leaned his head into the kitchen to tell me he was starving (ouch). Soon, though, the pasta with lime cilantro pesto and steamed carrots with butter, salt and pepper landed on the table and Bob happily munched away. He said he didn’t love the pesto but didn’t hate it either (so I made note not to make that sauce again).

I slipped up a bit when Bob asked if there was more to eat. I told him there was more pasta and sauce in the kitchen – totally forgetting that it was my responsibility to get it for him. He was a good sport and reminded me that I should serve him his second helping (he seems to be catching onto certain aspects of this experiment really well…).

The hardest thing for me was to remember my “place” and to only talk about things that Bob wants to talk about: “If he seems like he wants to talk, sit down and listen. Don’t give your opinion unless he asks you what you think. Just listen.” In all the years we’ve been married, we’ve shared everything with each other. It’s hard to think that I’m just supposed to ask Bob about his day and forget about what happened with mine. I’m really confused about how to conduct myself after dinner.

I am very hopeful for a smoother dinner routine tomorrow. I guess today was sort of my "first pancake" (this blog entry included); the first one is always a little sloppy and usually gets thrown out. Let’s hope tomorrow’s dinner schedule (and entry) goes better!

Alright, off to continue my wifely duties. Goodnight everyone!