Week 1 - Day 5 - SUCCESS!

It's Friday! Hooray! It's been a long week for Bob, so I'm happy the weekend is finally here.

I gave my house a good "Stepford" cleaning - I think the ladies would be proud (there's still a lot of work to do, though). I was exhausted by the time I finished and almost skipped making dinner tonight. But my inner housewife chimed in and reminded me that I don't get to take a break just because I'm tired. This housewife thing is my job and I wouldn't get to slack off if I was still working outside the home, would I?

I'm glad I didn't skip the Welcome Home/Dinner routine today because the evening went so well! I was at the door, drink in hand, when Bob walked through the door. Then, our meal was ready just about the time Bob had finished going through his mail.

I had to check myself a couple of times - I started to give my opinion before Bob asked for it. After a couple of reminders to myself, I held my tongue and was a good listener. It's so hard - I feel like I'm not participating in my marriage if I don't speak up and say what's on my mind. However, that trait is exactly what usually causes arguments so I think I might end up saving us some strife if I just keep reminding myself to hold my tongue once in a while.

From now on, I think I'm going to stop mixing Bob drinks when he gets home. He doesn't like to have them with his meal and ends up getting a beer instead. I think I'll just have a nice cold beer waiting for him when he gets home from work. It will save me some work and it'll save the expensive alcohol!

Bob is still struggling to get used to me being a more hands-on housewife. He got up to get himself a second helping AGAIN. I grabbed his plate before he could get in the kitchen and he went and settled himself back in his chair.

I'm really starting to get the hang of this, I think. Next week will probably present another challenge but I'm looking forward to conquering it.

Tomorrow we have been invited to friends' house for dinner, so I have the night off. I'll check in on Sunday and report back with how dinner prep went (Sunday nights are Bob's night to call his parents, which always presents an interesting timing challenge).

Until Sunday...

Good night!

Week 1 - Day 4

Another successful day! Dinner was ready and waiting when Bob walked in the door, as was his whiskey and Coke (another one of his favorite drinks). I also managed to be waiting at the door with a smile. I was so proud of myself for working out the timing tonight. The soft, soothing voice I chose to use when I greet him apparently creeps him out, so I’m going to have to find another voice that’s not so creepy. Live and learn!

Tonight I made stir fry over rice pasta. It was fairly tasty. Bob totally cheated and got up to serve himself another helping. I had to jump up from my chair and shoo him back to the table. Tonight’s conversation was easier – I allowed him to do all the talking and I just responded in a way I felt appropriate. This “Stepford” thing seems to get easier every day.

It seems we take two steps forward and one step back, though, because as I write this, Bob is downstairs vacuuming! I love when he vacuums for me (which he never used to do without being asked), but I feel torn because I know that it’s supposed to be my job now.

Well, that’s all I’ve got today. Stay tuned for tomorrow!

Good night everyone.

What it means to be a "Stepford" Wife

What, exactly, does is involved in being a “Stepford” Wife? If I’m supposed to behave like one, how should I conduct myself? While reading Ira Levin’s book, “The Stepford Wives,” I took notes on the behavior and attitudes of the women featured in the book and made myself a little list of how I should try to behave during my experiment. Here’s what I came up with:

• Lots of cleaning, home maintenance – “Stepford” houses are immaculate.
• Wives always look perfect, shapely and attractive.
• The women are subservient to their husbands.
• There is no time for outside interests/work.
• Conversations with others consist of trite pleasantries and discussion on housework/cleaning supplies.
• Shopping at the grocery store is done slowly and methodically. Items are placed in the cart in a neat and orderly fashion.
• The women are essentially actresses; they seem to be eternally pleased with their home lives and cleaning products.
• Always be nice, polite and cheerful.
• All meals, including breakfast, should be hot and prepared from scratch (as close to scratch as possible, anyway).
• Make no demands on your husband.

Another list of characteristics I will try to follow is one I found on the Stepford Wives Community Bulletin website:

Stepford Cardinal Rules:

• Don’t complain about the day you have had. If he asks you about your day and you had a bad one, just say "It is much better thank heavens now that you are here!"
• Don’t list the problems that you need him to take care of until after dinner.
• Don’t push for details about his day. Keep it short and sweet. A man needs silence and peace in his home after a day’s work. We are meant to be seen, not heard!
• Make minimum fuss, especially if he seems short.
• Never ask why he is acting the way he is acting.
• If he wants you to be a listener and asks you to sit. Stop what you are doing and sit down immediately. Whatever you were doing can wait.
• Always keep your ears on alert the moment you leave the room. Keep your ears tune for your name to be called, a finger snapped, or a sign that he needs you to get or do something for him.

Let me just say this: it goes against my nature to follow some of these rules. I struggle to believe there really are women out there who live this way. However, this wouldn’t be much of an experiment if I didn’t try something that made me a little (or a lot) uncomfortable. I’ve lived a certain way forever and now I’d like to try something new. Maybe I’m missing something by insisting on an equal partnership with my husband. Maybe I’ll end up being happy that I handed over the pants to Bob. Only time will tell… I really am looking forward to giving this a shot!

The Second Pancake - Week 1 - Day 3

I have almost recovered from the horrible migraine that sidelined me yesterday. I’m still a little fuzzy but I was able to have a much more successful second attempt at the Welcome Home/Dinner schedule (just like the second pancake – it’s a keeper). After all of the difficulty I had opening bottles on Monday, I made sure any bottle I might need to make Bob’s drink was loose enough for my tiny hands to open. This allowed me to have Bob’s drink all set and ready to go when he walked in the door. The schedule indicates I should meet my husband at the door as soon as it opens but I haven’t quite mastered that skill yet. I didn’t hear him coming up the stairs so I wasn’t quite ready for him. I’ll have to listen harder next time.

After taking Bob’s coat and handing him his drink, I finished bustling around the kitchen and promptly served our meal (hooray! It was done on time tonight!). We had Trinidadian chicken stew, which was pretty tasty. I enjoy making stews because you can make them early in the day and just let them simmer all afternoon. Little work and a lot of payoff!

I still really struggled with the conversation part of the evening. It’s hard not to talk about the things that happened in my day. I had a really rough day today and so badly wanted to talk to Bob about it and have him assure me things would be alright. Making dinner and setting the table really helped take my mind off my worries but once Bob walked in the door, I wanted to dump my problem on him and hear his suggestions on how to solve it. I’m pretty sure this is a Stepford no-no. It’s so difficult not to speak unless spoken to. Bob didn’t want to talk about his day at work so, if I hadn’t talked, we wouldn’t have spoken at all during dinner. I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be, though…

As per the schedule, when Bob was done with dinner, I cleared our plates – even though I wasn’t done with my meal (“…if you fall behind on your own dinner, either snack later or skip a meal. It will do wonders for your waist!”). I have to say that I didn’t mind leaving the last few bites of dinner on my plate. I could use to lose a couple of pounds.

All in all, I feel like tonight was a success. My conversational skills (or lack thereof) will improve with practice. Eventually I will learn to let Bob steer the conversation. I’m just so happy I got the timing down (almost)!

I’m looking forward to an even better Welcome Home/Dinner routine tomorrow night. Third time’s a charm, right?

Have a wonderful night, everyone!

Week 1 - Day 2

I've got a pretty nasty migraine today so my experiment is, unfortunately, on hold until tomorrow (when hopefully I'll feel better). I've got a pretty yummy meal planned, so stay tuned to see how it turns out! I think things will go much better than they did yesterday.

Since I am still trying to get my migraines under control, there may be other days when I am unable to follow through with my Stepford experiment; please bear with me. My health has to come first. Hopefully days off will be few and far between (because I would guess real Stepfords don't get days off for illness)! :-)


Good night!

Week 1 - Welcome Home/Dinner Routine (Day 1)

The task for the first week is to master a welcome home/dinner schedule found on the website www.stefordwife.com. It seemed simple enough to me as I read it over – I love schedules! Below is the schedule as it was found on the website:

Preparation to greet him ( 4:30 – 5:30pm )

• 4:30pm Last minute check to see that dinner is in order
• 4:45pm – 5:15pm Refresh your makeup, go over your hair and make sure your dress is crisp.
• 5:15pm – 5:30pm Prepare his favorite refreshing cold drink or cocktail and make sure it’s ready to go on a small serving tray

Honey, I’m Home! ( 5:30 – 5:40pm )

• 5:30 – 5:35pm Put on your biggest smile and greet him at the door with a hug, an appreciative peck on the cheek and a warm "welcome home darling!"
• 5:35 pm Help him take his coat off, and hand him his drink. Hang up his coat while he sits down in the foyer with his drink
• 5:35 – 5:40 Bend down and untie his shoes while he has his drink. Get his nearby slippers, put them on, then put the shoes away. Ask him how his day was. (if the question is met with a grunt, don’t push further, just cheerily say, "well, I’m glad you are home now!"
• 5:40pm Bring the remainder of his drink on serving tray and accompany him to the living room where he sits down. Make sure his drink is topped off before going off to the kitchen.

Dinner ( 5:41 – 7:00pm )

• 5:41pm – 6:00 pm Make sure dinner is set up nicely on the table and everything is in order. Remember to go back and check on his drink!
• 6:00 pm – 6:45pm Dinner is served. Remind him he can eat first as you run around to serve, refill, and maintain dinner service. If you fall behind on your own dinner, either snack later or skip a meal. It will do wonders for your waist!
• 6:45pm – 7:00pm Accompany him back to the living room and asks if there is anything else you can get him.
• 7:00pm – ? If he appears to want peace, give him space and quietly let him know you will be in the kitchen if he needs you. If he seems like he wants to talk, sit down and listen. Don’t give your opinion unless he asks you what you think. Just listen. If he is getting frisky and in the mood, by all means, give your best performance. Never mind what kind of day you had!

My first thought was that it seemed pretty manageable. I was already getting pretty good at having dinner ready upon my husband, Bob’s, return from work. As long as traffic wasn’t too bad and the bus was running on schedule, I had almost mastered the skill of having a hot meal waiting for Bob at the end of a hard day. The other tasks on the schedule seemed logical additions to my preexisting routine, so I chose the schedule as my first week’s task because I thought it seemed the easiest (I wanted to ease into the transition…if I go too fast, Bob might go into shock at the sudden change in my behavior!).

My first attempt at following the schedule unraveled pretty quickly, I must say. I was able to follow things pretty well until it came to making Bob’s drink. All of the tops on the bottles were screwed on too tightly. I couldn’t even have his drink ready when he walked in the door! I met him at the door with a kiss and a smile and the bottle of vermouth, requesting (very politely) he open it for me. Then I hurried off to the kitchen to finish mixing his martini and rushed back with his drink and took his coat. I tried to ignore his comment when he said dinner smelled funny (I was trying a new recipe).

Bob didn’t help with the routine much. He didn’t want to go sit in the living room and enjoy his drink in front of the television. He wanted to help with dinner, ask me about my day, etc. From all I’ve read during the research I did, “Stepford” wives don’t really have interests of their own and aren’t really allowed to express their feelings about how their day went. There’s no spot on the schedule above that makes time for the wife to tell her husband about her day. But since the point, I think, is to do whatever your husband wants, I think it’s okay to follow the line of conversation he chooses, even if it’s about yourself. I just have to be careful not to express too many opinions or tell him about my worries, as it’s been made clear to me that a good “Stepford” does not tell her husband those sorts of things. I think this will be a struggle for me.

Dinner wasn’t ready until 20 minutes after Bob got home. The schedule shows that only 10 minutes should elapse before the meal is served. Everything took longer to cook than I anticipated. Bob even leaned his head into the kitchen to tell me he was starving (ouch). Soon, though, the pasta with lime cilantro pesto and steamed carrots with butter, salt and pepper landed on the table and Bob happily munched away. He said he didn’t love the pesto but didn’t hate it either (so I made note not to make that sauce again).

I slipped up a bit when Bob asked if there was more to eat. I told him there was more pasta and sauce in the kitchen – totally forgetting that it was my responsibility to get it for him. He was a good sport and reminded me that I should serve him his second helping (he seems to be catching onto certain aspects of this experiment really well…).

The hardest thing for me was to remember my “place” and to only talk about things that Bob wants to talk about: “If he seems like he wants to talk, sit down and listen. Don’t give your opinion unless he asks you what you think. Just listen.” In all the years we’ve been married, we’ve shared everything with each other. It’s hard to think that I’m just supposed to ask Bob about his day and forget about what happened with mine. I’m really confused about how to conduct myself after dinner.

I am very hopeful for a smoother dinner routine tomorrow. I guess today was sort of my "first pancake" (this blog entry included); the first one is always a little sloppy and usually gets thrown out. Let’s hope tomorrow’s dinner schedule (and entry) goes better!

Alright, off to continue my wifely duties. Goodnight everyone!

The Rules

Being a housewife was never on my list of goals. However, in 2009, I realized that such a reality wasn’t actually that far off for me. I had the face the fact that I was not cut out for the cut-throat world of corporate America. I also learned that my husband had always wanted a wife who stayed home with the children (this didn’t surface until, after 10 years together, we started to discuss starting a family and he dropped the bombshell that a mother should be home with her children).

I was a forward-thinking college graduate, raised on Oprah and Murphy Brown. Working outside the home was a right for which women before me had fought hard and I wasn’t about to let them down. I wanted to live a life of glamor – of fancy cars and designer handbags; a town home in a big city instead of a big house in the ‘burbs. I was going to do everything differently. In my eyes, my life was too special to be wasted on a boring life of domesticity. That life was fine for my friends and family but it wasn’t the life I wanted for myself.

After a long hard look at my life and the facts that were staring me in the face I realized that my way of doing things wasn’t working - my stress level at the office had made me so ill I was forced to stop working due to constant migraines and my marriage seemed to be one steady string of fights. I decided to try a whole new way…wait…old way, of doing things. I elected to try to live, at least for a time, as a typical old-fashioned housewife. I wanted to see what life would be like if I lived on the opposite side of the spectrum from what I’d always dreamed. I didn’t have much to lose, so why not?


Objective:
I will study the daily “routine” of a typical old-fashioned housewife (AKA a Stepford Wife, as portrayed in Ira Levin’s book, “The Stepford Wives”, with a little added inspiration from famous homemakers like June Cleaver and Donna Reed) and incorporate a new trait/task every week. Eventually I hope to take some of the traits and routines that I enjoyed and incorporate them into my “regular” life. I want to learn how to be more comfortable with domestic tasks and have a greater understanding of the hard work involved in staying at home. I plan to prove that there’s more to being a housewife than what you see on Real Housewives, etc.

I also want to explore the possibility that maybe there is something to the theory that a woman should stay at home and create a warm, loving environment for her husband and children – all the while caring for her appearance and the appearance of her home. Or maybe I’ll learn that working outside the home is necessary to feed a woman’s soul.


Rules:
During this experiment, I plan to completely immerse myself in this project. I will look, talk, walk, behave like a Stepford Wife. Each week I will reveal a Stepford characteristic I’ve observed from reading the book and will detail my attempt to embody the characteristic.

Typically, a Stepford Wife isn’t allowed to have any interests other than the well-being of her home and family. However, in order for me to share the results of this experiment with you, I will have to break that rule. I will adhere to all rules all day, with the exception of one hour in the evening when I will sit down to blog about my activities and thoughts of the day. For the time I write in my blog, I am not a Stepford Wife but an observer.

I look forward to having you along for the ride!

COMING SOON!

Join me on Feb. 22, 2010 as the Stepford Experiment gets off the ground!